LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THE ST. LOUIS BLUES WERE FIRST
We may not have the photoshop skillz or million fans to reblog it all, but we were first. In true hipster fashion, we were involved before it was cool to be involved.
While we maintain that Ty Conklin deserves to be in the Dos Equis commercials, the best we could do was give him this award. However, much of those commercials holds true for Ty. “His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body”. This statement couldn’t be more relevant. Conklin has played in three outdoor games (one Heritage Classic, two back-to-back Winter Classics), participated in two back-to-back Stanley Cup Finals (his team lost in both, whoopsies) and has played for virtually every single team in the National Hockey League, including 60% of the Central Division.
We can only imagine what Conklin has been able to experience in his career. With facial hair like that, however, you just know that he’s been through some crazy shit.
One of the best things about Conklin is how great of a teammate he is. Whatever happens in the offseason, it has been a great two years having Ty Conklin as a member of the Blues. If this does happen to be his last superlative award as a member of the St. Louis Blues, we’ll pour out a 40 for you. Thanks for everything.
Honorable Mentions: Most Fashionable and Best Bench Door Opener
Chris goddamn Stewart. Does anyone else have such an assertive name? The answer is no. No one else does. He’s got one of those names where it’s just natural to say both the first and the last name. Chris. Stewart.
You mess with him, he will mess with your face. And then he’ll fight you. And just when you think he’s done, he’ll skate around you and score twice (he likes to keep his number of goals in the evens, and what Chris Stewart wants, Chris Stewart gets). He is the definition of a BAMF. This gif says it all:
So, U MAD? Probably, but that’s nothing new for Chris Stewart.
Congratulations to CGDS for this superlative, and here’s to many more.
I need your help!
As some of you may have noticed, the superlatives were never finished. That’s because I can’t think of awards to give the rest of the players! My mind is blank. If any of you have an idea of an ~award to give to one of the remaining players, please share it! You can even write a little blurb to go along with it, if you’d like :) You’d get all the credit, too. I just want everyone to get a superlative.
The remaining players without a superlative are:
If you have any ideas at all, please put them in my ask box! Thanks :D
Most men who are unable to grow facial hair give up. Most are embarrassed, and they try to cover up their lack of facial hair growing ability. Kevin Shattenkirk laughs at these men. He wears his “rally ‘stache” with pride. He may not be able to grow a mustache a la Lanny McDonald, but you can bet your ass that he’s going to try. Good job, Shattenkirk. Way to be.
These two superlative awards go hand-in-hand. As Blues fans became discouraged as the season wound down without post-season hopes, TJ Oshie came to the rescue to give us all something to discuss and laugh about. He didn’t show up for practice. Little did he know that he’d become a meme, and #whereisoshie was born. We know that the reason he missed practice was probably a game of Hide and Seek with Berglund gone awry, and we salute him for his expert hiding skills and thank him for inspiring #whereisoshie. Congratulations, Oshie! Challenge: next season, you’ve gotta top this. Make twitter proud!
This award could not go to a more deserving player. The hair says it all. We saw him in Blues Inside Access hint at his ~wild and crazy lifestyle~ that he couldn’t mention on camera. Petro, you don’t fool us. Yes, you’re a hockey player. We know you party and get hookers and throw hundred dollar bills in the air just for the hell of it. But underneath it all, you’re just a little nerd. Even Cam Janssen says so. We know that your idea of having fun is playing NHL ‘11 with your BFF Carlo Colaiacovo. You probably wear sweater vests and strive to be in bed by 10 o’clock on the dot. If you were a breakfast food, you’d be a piece of unbuttered toast. But we love you anyway. Celebrate this award and the many more to come in your long career as a St. Louis Blue!
He gets mistaken for Magnus Carlsson and wears skates from the Stone Age. One of the newer Blues makes a big splash in his first season with the team with a two-award pick-up. Here’s to many, many more Blues superlative awards for Vladimir Sobotka!
Yikes. Nothing says “I watch you when you sleep” quite like David Backes’ smile in the Blues’ opening video. This picture doesn’t even do it justice. It’s just fucking creepy. It’s even worse in the video that’s played when he scores a goal… nothing can quite ruin the mood after a goal as much as looking up at the jumbotron after a big celebration and seeing that face stare into your soul. You go from jubilant to the heebie jeebies in .01 seconds. While most guys go for the “no smile, serious intimidation stare”, Backes takes a new approach. He doesn’t just try to look intimidating with a fierce stare, he just goes above and beyond to creep you the fuck out. If this doesn’t scare the opposing team, I’m not sure what will. Congratulations Backes… we guess.